Friday, 30 December 2011

I go like, "WHUD?"

It feels like forever since STPM. Hell, it only ended two weeks ago. The abrupt relief from pressure and stress all of a sudden is so depressing. It was through them that I thrusted myself forward to achieve better standards in life. Indeed, somewhere along the line, I lost my identity and seek to recover my sense of being a unique individual.

Now, without the mojo-bojo-tension, life feels like it's swaying from a hammock, tied to the bough of the tree, gently dancing to the motion of the wind. It's too comfortable. It's definitely NOT very good. Thankfully, I've finally gotten a job to work for about 8 months. The fact that I've finally found a job is rather therapeutic. (Please refer to date of this post if you love details.)

The past two days spent with my cousin was really fun. It's not that we see each other like we see ourselves in the mirror every morning/noon/night/in-front-of-you-all-the-time-'cause-I-love-my-mirror. It's good to have company that can understand you and not be mad or freaked out by you for doing the silliest of stuffs.

I am a sinner for not blogging in ages. But. I don't know. But someone broke my heart not too long ago. Should it hurt? I think I will call for a mojito. ;)

Any STPM-ers that are too free to the bone? Lemme' know, I gots the jobs, I needs tha' peoples.


=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 3 December 2011

Nincompoop, yes.

It's really inevitable that stupidity lies in our genes. Humans are created to be the most intelligent creatures on Earth. Research has proven that an average human uses less than 1% of his or her total brain capacity. Even one of the greatest thinkers of all time, Albie Einstein, used a mere 3% of his brainpower. Unfortunately, humans make the biggest blunders of all time. A cheetah that has failed to catch a little rabbit will feel so happy for himself if it were to compare itself with human stupidity.

Falling in love with the wrong person certainly is foolish. Chasing after him or her, man, you must be out of your mind. Most certainly, the heartbreak has made you lose your very frame of sanity. 

Unfortunately, that very stupid person, is me. It is no other than I and me.

The heartbreak hurts. 

The cycle of getting a new one, building bridges and then the heartbreak is just unbearable. 

You know what, studying hard should be my priority with the utmost importance. In future, you may regret your choice.

I will be the best you never and forever will never have.

No loves.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Thursday, 17 November 2011

ISH. Wing-wing, please be realistic!

The moment when I thought that you'd fall for me, that was the moment I became the dumbest person on earth.

Saturday, 12 November 2011

Sometimes you say take a chill pill, but when I take it, you don't like it.
Sometimes you say have some fun, but when I do, you don't like it.
Stop speaking in riddles and get straight to the point.
That's really one reason why I want to go away.
It's not that I don't understand you, it's just that you don't get me.
Short to say, communication isn't something we have in common.
Yeah, it's always my fault.
That doesn't make you even a demi-god.
I'm starting to think that my very existence is just a coincidence.
Maybe I'm the only mistake he's ever made.

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Study? A total drag.

Okay, I must admit that school breaks are so totally awesome. But then, it gets really boring and monotonous when study comes into the picture. Yes, STPM is indeed around the corner but I just can't help but to laze around! Honestly, I wished school was still on. If only the speed and pace of teaching could be slowed down, I  wouldn't mind going back to school to study during this study break. At least I have no bloody reason to laze about in school. FML?

It's also rather depressing staying at home. I have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD to think about that person. The thought of never seeing that person again brings my oh-so-high mood back to the ground again. Ever heard of falling elephants? Well, that's just the way my emotions are when it comes to thinking of that person. IMH. Lots. But I don't think we're going to work out together. :(

Sigh. All the best wishes to STPM candidates out there, especially the 2011 batch! Revise like this is the last time you'll ever hold a book! God bless ya'll! :)

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 5 November 2011


Just when I needed someone to talk to, I can't find one. They have kinds of reasons and things to do. It's not that like they owe me a thing. I just need a listening ear, that's all.

I miss that person real much. So much that it hurts to say goodbye. I just need someone to listen, just for a while. Does it take so much effort?

I can't be blamed if I don't share my problems to anyone. Obviously, no one cares, no one wants to know and no one really wants to take the effort to understand a millionth of my problem. Everyone wants to be cared for but nobody really wants to become a listening ear.

Blogs can be useful sometimes.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

A dash of salt, a pinch of sugar and pepper.

School is almost coming to an end. I'm feeling a mixture of emotions, all muddled up inside my mind. Or is it my heart? Going to miss all the sweet and sour memories in school. I'd probably forget the sour ones. It ain't worth keeping. 

 Pre-University Council

My very, very epic class.

There's really no such thing as a perfect, immaculate class. There is always the class clown, the serious bunch, the emotional bunch and there's always gossip. Heck, we don't need bad influence such as gossips, I know. But what is school without gossips to spice and lighten up our days? Being with them (as in classmates) really did change me a lot. It's an inevitable fact. 

Of course, there are bunch and truck-loads of other friends that I made while I was in Form 6. Little ones up to those as old as I am. 

Happy, sad, indifferent? I think I can't say for now. My emotions are currently not in proper, normal functions. Probably I no longer rely on emotions anymore. 'cause nobody really cares about how anybody feels anyway.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Whatever you say.

我永远都是错的 。 Hopefully I'll leave as soon as possible. Leave home or leave this place forever. 有时侯, 真的不是我的错, 但是你死都说是我错。给你说饱他吧。。。没可能是我100%错的好不好?

算了吧, 没feel了。

=CHIcken WINGs=

Monday, 24 October 2011

Yes, microblogging is the hype currently. Am looking for a few read-worthy blogs, be it simple rants of someone's daily life or even just thoughts and ideas of practically anybody. Twitter (not against it, but come on!) has killed the fun and creativity in writing, especially blogs. Blogs may be old-fashioned to some, but written words will never lose out to simple dots-and-dashes with a couple of hash-tags and acronyms.

Peeps, if you're at my blog reading this, do drop me your blog address (if you don't mind me reading it-lah) on my Wall at facebook, or just send me an inbox message. Cure my boredom and HEY, it's another extra person to share your thoughts with. :)

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 22 October 2011

Don't pray for the problem to go away.

Well, school has been a little relaxing this week. Thank goodness all of our subjects have been covered thoroughly and we're pretty much into revision now. That leaves us with a-little-not-too-much time to chatter and just be a little merry at the moment.

 This particular week has been a pretty warm and humid week, especially in school. The electricity supply to our particular block has been cut off for no apparent reason (well, apparently, the fuse box went a little haywire). So, we did complain a little (no, honestly, we complained a lot) about how warm it is. It's very warm, really. Our class was next to a metal awning, or rather roof. The heat is reflected right into our class. FUH! Miss Catherine came into our class for Maths. So we did our Maths and past-year papers and then we related this problem of "warmness" to her. So, she told us the history of Form 6 students in SMK Jinjang to us. Long story.

 But there is something that she said that was pretty meaningful. It goes like this: "Wai Yan, I always tell you this, don't say it like this. You should pray for her so that she will get promoted, then she will be transferred to another school!". Paraphrased, it sounds like this: Don't pray for the problem to leave. Pray for yourself that you'll be the one leaving the problem so you'll move on to a place with greener pastures.

 So, I've changed my mindset a little. I've changed my requests when I pray. Though sometimes God may not listen and grant all your requests, I do think he'll grant me this wish, just this one time.

To that special someone: I can't let you go even if I wanted to. I refuse to, 'cause I love you. You'll probably never know.
To the person I SMS-ed yesterday: Take care. Don't want you to fall sick. :) 

I want alcohol, please.

 =CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 15 October 2011

Oh back-to-back.

Feeling a little blue and gloomy today. Ain't sick. Just not sound in mind. Wrong amounts of neurotransmitters may lead to depression, as the textbook says. Damn it.

Graduation Day will soon come to pass. Memories in SMK Jinjang that I would not want to keep may soon be forgotten, thrown into eternal oblivion. Those beautiful memories, I will etch them into my heart and may time not distort its charm and lustre.

Photos will be totally necessary on that day. Will be going trigger-happy with my new-found partner, a second-hand DSLR. Ain't no high-range, but still packs a tiny punch.

All the best cameras won't mean a thing if I can't have a shot, a picture, a concrete memory, of you with me. Just one shot, will you?

Am hoping these last few days in high-school, pre-tertiary studies, will be a memorable one. We may say "We'll meet up as often as possible", but how often and how willing is everyone to keep the ties close? Questionable, with no concrete and logical deductions, no solid conclusion.

Just my thoughts.

P.S: If I dislike you, it means I dislike you. There's no catch, no freebies. Just plain, shitty, "I don't like you".


=CHIcken WINGs=

Friday, 14 October 2011

This is random.

I had this sudden hunch that somebody might be needing this. Oh well. Or just maybe. It doesn't hurt writing a piece of short article on blogs right? It's just a matter of spending the few kilocalories typing the text on keyboard.

Suicide isn't the way to solve things. Indeed, suicide may seem to be the shortest way out of problems. But is that so? Is suicide really the ultimatum when there is absolutely no other solution? Suicide merely leads you to a full stop, not really a comma - or even a hyphen.

Think of all the people who care for you. Thoughts of suicide may derail your sound mind, but people do care for you. It's just a matter of finding those who really care and sifting out those who aren't really there to back you up in times of troubles and trials.

Ever tried talking to God? He's one more solution you can try. And He works in awesome ways. Guaranteed to work.


=CHIcken WINGs=

Monday, 3 October 2011

Hiatus: End.

I've been of the plains and realm of the digital world for quite some time now.

The plain, untainted truth is because my computer modem died and its sickness was not diagnosed properly until yesterday. Yeah, check the date of this post to know when its sickness was made clear. It fell sick and disrupted the whole internet access to my house for almost a whole month (probably a tad bit more than a month). That makes me officially offline for almost a month. Thankfully, there's something called the handphone. Handphone browsers aren't the best stuffs in the world, but at least little status updates can make you feel a little not-so-lonely or suddenly throw into oblivion, at least in the context of the digital world. I'm still co-existing with everyone, only that I'm not alive as in alive. Oh shut up me.

Trials was over not too long ago. Make it 2-and-a-half weeks ago. Results weren't something to die for. An A, B+, B and a C. Marvelous. =.= Let's just hope I score a little above the 3.2-pointer during STPM. That's a must, really.

Nothing really interesting has happened lately. I'm still single (Oh duh.) and obviously nobody really wants me. Hmm. Looked at myself in the mirror last midnight (Oh a big taboo!) and I realised I have larger-than-normal eyebag size. I may be able to scare a ghost and get away with it, for all I know. As usual, still having this same old problem of "Cinta tepuk sebelah tangan" when it comes to love. Thriving on crumbs of so-called love the one I'm in love with. Damn, cruel love. (It's pretty much o0o to me when it comes to topics on love.)

Recently, Mum told me one of her colleagues is selling an old DSLR and she may have intentions to buy one after hearing of my interest in getting one. Yeah, photography is fun. But the intention to get me one soon fizzled out. I knew it was too good to be true. Looks like my initial plan to get one after I've started working is still currently in use and no change might happen to it at the moment. Sigh.

Speaking of jobs, I just nailed a RM50 an hour job at one of my ex-tuition teacher's tuition centre at Ara Damansara. Well, it's just a one-day thing, but I earned RM225 in a day. Anyone wants to hire me as a tutor? :) The students were waaaaaaaay different as to what Sai Mun told me. He said the students were noisy and very playful. They were nothing like what he said. Hmmm. Maybe they're just plain shy, or maybe I look waaaaaaaaay old and fugly that they are not brave enough to say anything. FML? Whatever.

Love you-lah. Why are you playing hard to get? NA! o0o


Am just hoping for the best. God, you guide my life, can?

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 6 August 2011

Some crumbs from my large cookie.

The title above is just a mere symbolic representation of the sentence "a little update from my life for the past few weeks". It gets a little oh-so-cliche if I use the same title for every blog post, again-and-again-and-again, ain't it?

I have pretty bad long-term memory, in terms of recalling exact and specific events. My brain is purely made for study, therefore it does not really serve any other purpose. That's the way I view my brain of course. Let's not veer of course, shall we?

Things hasn't really been over-the-top for the past fortnight or so. Thank goodness I did not hit rock-bottom, too. Exam was on two weeks ago, so there wasn't really much going-ons happening in school. Except, well, at tuition or during recess when I have time to become a chatterbox, that's when I'd realise the things going on around me. Frankly speaking, I'm still upset over a few things today. I mean like, NOW.

Firstly, I'm upset about a few friends being so on-the-fence towards me. One moment they can be really close to you, trying everything to be a nice person. The next picosecond, they seem to have thrown the thought of you into oblivion, never to think nor care for you anymore. I'm a really oh-so-what-I-don't-care-much person, but I do care for these bunch of friends. Maybe it's time for me to really cut ties (Sad people say and do anything, oh well... :( ) or just really forget about them. Why keep a relationship if you struggle too hard and it's bringing the relationship to nowhere? It really applies to any relationship, not merely to courtship alone.

The next reason is I'm not really sure whether if some of my friends are really my friends. As the "catchphrase" of the movie "The Social Network" goes, you can't make many friends without making enemies at all. I guess making new friends can be really fun, but what if your current "close" friends gets jealous and starts to ruin your reputation in front of your "new" friends? I'm just assuming this IS really happening at the moment. I dare not ask whether if it's true, I don't want to cause any dent in my current relationship with any of my friends. Again, I should just keep this matter in my heart and hope that it subsides one day. Or hopefully the answers come rolling by without me pursuing the answer in vain...

Thirdly, study stress is catching up on me. I feel like I'm ready for STPM, at the same time I feel like I'm not. I just feel like I'm in a mess. A foreigner in a sea of people. A note in a cacophony of noises. I feel a little lost. God has given me a compass, and clearly I'm not really good in using it, yet.

Thankfully, my cousin, *ahem*, Maryann has some good advice and she's given me bits and pieces of them (unless she comes screaming at this blog post saying "WHAT BITS AND PIECES?!"). Advice does not work wonders, but at least they calm a man's heart. Come on, every human loves a little encouragement. And there's YAP SHUANG YI that's patient enough to listen to my rants and complaints every single day during Biology period. I feel a little guilty being a spotlight, though. SORRY, KAH WAI! :) Kah Wai is an awesome person too. Jasmine Yeo is also a really great listener too.~ And best of all, she's also another patient non-human. No normal human can tolerate my noise, so she can be considered an organism that is in no way related to humans.

Sighs. Thankfully these bunch of people are here to cheer me up even when I'm down. :) But still, a lil' wee bit sad at the moment. Oh well. *shrugs* I kinda' realised that there is this one boy in Lower Form 6 that has been pretty lonely the moment he entered Form 6. Wish he could at least pull off a smile. I don't see no anybody as lonely as him in the whole of Lower 6.

Spell-check not done. Forgive any typos. To the people I've mentioned, thanks. :) Don't stop whatever you're doing pull a grin off my face.~ God bless you. To my buddies that I've not mentioned. Well, you guys are still awesome.

Gonna' go off to my real lonely little corner to pray and to hope that the friends that have been so cold to me will be my close buddies once again.

P.S: The world is full of bullshit. Nothing is really fair.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Sunday, 24 July 2011

Question: Why is everybody so "SAMTAM" towards me?

I don't really know what is going on lately. One thing is for sure, I've not been really close to many of my buddies. Is it me, or is it they who've totally changed? I do try to fit in, but why do I struggle to fit in? I should feel comfortable, right? Why do I struggle anyway? :/

Funnily, there's a bunch of people who treats me real nice at one moment. The next moment, it's like they do not want to have so much to do with me. What do you want from me anyway? :( I just started to feel comfortable and happy being with you guys, but what happens next? You give me the cold shoulder. It's not even a wee bit ticklish to my funny bone, not at all.

I guess it's not me alone having emotional issues. Been browsing through a few friends' blogs and HEY, most of them are just like me. I think. :( Cheer up buddies.


=CHIcken WINGs=

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

NO, not you too!

I seriously have no inkling of an idea when my last post was posted. But certainly, quite a number of things happened between the time period. Those events that happened during my hiatus did change me, mostly by the way I think.

The past few months (well, since last year, actually) made me lose faith in myself, lost myself. I felt that God was spending too much time on everybody else in the world, He did not have enough to spend on me. I felt that way. Yes. Not denying the fact at all. But lately, I have rediscovered His love for me. Yes, I do feel lonely sometimes, but I know He's watching and He cares. Humans are pathetic creatures that can't be trusted. You can only trust in God. I do trust my friends, but most of them let me down. I've had a few persons that I can name that have made me upset lately. Better not mention names. Or is it I, being too serious? I don't know.

And please... Don't you treat me the same way as he did to me. It sucks. A lot. Sighs.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Outcast? True.

Well, I thought I was thinking too much a few days back. I thought I was just having a little depression. With my mid-term exam results, friends and a little misunderstanding with my family member, I really thought it will go away soon.

I'm feeling not any better right now. I know there are friends that are all around me. But at times when I am with them, I feel like I'm just another replacement. Replacing somebody or something, or just filling up space to keep the atmosphere in a "just nice" condition. I don't hunger for attention. I just need friends who will listen to my rants and "heart problems", not just enjoy and have fun together.

Everybody doesn't want someone who keeps complaining or is sad all the time. I'm quite annoyed with myself at times. :( If being happy is as easy as blinking an eye, then why are there so many broken souls in the world? Don't tell me to be happy. There's no logic in being happy if the problem is not solved yet.

This is what I'm thinking at the moment. God made everything perfect, flawless. He only made one mistake. He forgot to ask me whether I'd be happy living as a human. I know He hasn't forgotten me, but right now I think He's just too busy blessing other people. I guess I'll just wait for my turn.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 25 June 2011


Well, lately, I feel like an outcast. I feel like I'm with my bunch of my friends but at the same time I don't feel like I'm with them. Odd. Sighs.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Serenity and a sound mind.

Stuck in between. I don't really know how to put this down in words. It's just that I'm held tight in my current position. Not belonging anywhere but belonging to somewhere at the same time. It's like I'm being cared for, but being hated and despised at the same time. This situation is slowly making me mad...

Sometimes, I just so want someone to be really, very close to me. But I think some things cannot come true all the time. What is life then, when you can get anything your heart desires. Certainly, everybody loves to be pampered, to get anything and everything that they really want. But truthfully, how many of us can enjoy such luxuries? I do want to enjoy such treatment. Having someone to, well, you know. :(

Just my thoughts to revive my currently dormant blog. :(

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 11 June 2011


Can you say you love me?

Monday, 6 June 2011

Stepping out.

The time spent in Kuantan gave me a little free space to think over myself and the relationships that I have with my friends.

Well, I'm not afraid to say that I am indeed childish. In fact, that's the very nature of me. I don't expect anybody to understand that. However, if I were to befriend anybody, then I'm sure they would have to give-and-take and accept whatever weaknesses that I may have... Right not?

I believe I am already a very tolerant person. Sure, I may lash out and get angry over certain things. It's just that I don't like to complain over petty things. I don't like getting called a nag. But in another manner, I don't like to keep these small petty things at heart for too long. But when I make known to people about these matters, they say I'm a nag, a hot-tempered person and the likes of it. I think it's pretty unfair that I'm branded these titles. You may be good at giving others brand names or you may play a very good quality control officer, but put yourself into my shoes and make the relevant judgments then.

Lately, I've been somewhat isolated by a few particular people who seem to be pinpointing my every single mistake and throwing accusations at yours truly, just to make me feel bad about myself. I reflected upon my actions and maybe I just chose the wrong bunch of friends. Maybe I just put too much hope into them, thinking that they may be just the right bunch of friends that I've been looking for. Like any other human beings, friends are also prone to misunderstanding you, sometimes ending up hating you altogether. I'd like to say here, I don't expect anything from any of my friends. If trust is so hard to share amongst friends, then I see no reason why we should struggle to keep the friendship intact. I may be the one (or may not) with the inflated ego, not willing to say "Sorry" or "I apologize" because if I'm wrong all the time, then the problem isn't with me, it's with you.

I've been isolated, hated and stabbed in the back numerous times. If you want to do it, go ahead. I'm still alive. So, those stuffs are a no-biggie for me. Just a post to justify my stand. You want to love me or loathe me, it's up to you. It's every man for himself. If you want to step out of friendship, go ahead. No use saving an almost dead entity. I'm stepping out soon, just let me know.

=CHIcken WINGs=

=CHIcken WINGs=

Of red bean soup and fried "meehoon".

Grandma passed away just two days ago, in China. It's pretty much a waste that I did not get a chance to bid her farewell before she left for a one-way-trip to heaven. I'm sure God is already waiting at the gates of heaven with lots of good stuffs for Grandma. She's someone I'm ought to miss my whole life.

Grandma is an adopted child (Dad's info) and she was brought to a small fishing village nearby Xiamen (also Dad's info). Dad says that Grandma has excellent oyster-deshelling skills. Grandma came to Malaysia with Granddad after giving birth to my eldest aunty, who is currently residing in China, too. My "second eldest aunty" and her siblings were born here in Malaysia. Grandma was a great Mum. Well, she wasn't the best chef around (trust me, I know best. :] ) but her cooking was still edible. Well, at least Dad could grow up on Grandma's food, right? To those who know my red bean soup and meehoon story, this is it. :) I literally grew up with Grandma. I went to her house after kindergarten for nearly two years. Before that, I used to go to her house by the Klang River every morning while Mum and Dad are away for work.

I still remember clearly the days where the rain would pour so heavily and Grandma would be so accurate in determining the weather, whether it would be a mild rainfall, or a big old thunderstorm. The sight of rattan chairs hanging off the walls is something that I would really miss. And of course the mud-yellow water and Wellington boots to note. The after-the-flood-cleaning process. Oh, priceless. Grandma could earn a diploma in Meteorology without even having to sit for a practical or theory test.

Well, time and tide wait for no man. Indeed, as time passes, we age as well. Grandma had to leave as well. Fountain of Youth, like many other age-old too-good-to-be-true-gimmicks, are just plain myths. At 81-years old, my Grandma is still the best Grandma in the world. Miss you much.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

*Shrugs shoulder* Oh well~

Alaaa ada orang terasa weyh! Peh. Pigiraaaah. Kalo ko tuh bukannya nak amik berat tp se-mata2 nak jadi watak utama, x yah lah nak pepura~ lagipun ko tuh bukannya hebat sgt pun. x harap pun simpati u~ simpan jer la utk org lain.

Korang sumer tuh cam baik jer, zahirnya jer. tapi hakikatnya korang tuh pun kira hiporkrit jugak. org kita ibarat lalang dipuput bayu, ikut jer trend dgn "the in group". adalah skit jugak talam dua muka. i rasa talam infinity muka baru btul. peh.

kalo ko tak ikhlas nak berkwn, biarkan jer lah. neways, kat hidup nih, kengkawan masuk kuar cam air. i dah ukir kat otak i dah the fact that org kat dunia ni mmg x leh nak caye. cuma blh yakin kat diri sendiri jer. nak mengumpat? suka hati lo laaaaa~ i dah immune~

terasa? ish, sorry, i cant do a damn about it. ;) Suit yourself.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Sunday, 29 May 2011

Update, update.

Exams just released its grip on us. Finally, some peace and quiet time for me. Exam was rather simple, but of course I made careless mistakes here and there. Hey, come on, nobody said doing Form 6 was going to be as easy-peasy as Form 5, ain't i right? It doesn't really matter I guess. Just my 2 cents.

While the exams were up and running, we were busy revising and at the same time, we had to run the show for Teachers' Day. Right from the bone to the flesh of the event, we had to plan and make sure that everything falls nicely into place. Not an easy task when you have a bunch of rather slow "co-workers" doing it with you.

Planning was made more difficult with the Lower 6 being oh-so-reluctant to do anything. They had to be told to do everything. From the most minute of details right up to the very obvious things. It's very tiring. I find it doing myself still a little wee bit easier and obviously, more time-saving. Leaving those important stuffs to them really just scares the faeces out of my bottom pit. Imagine Teachers' Day all in a havoc, and we're (Upper 6) the ones that are sent to the chopping board a.k.a "kena sound" a.k.a guillotine. Not a nice feeling.

Oh the complains doesn't end there. With all the planning already in place, we (the planning committee) thought we could at least have a good day's rest on Teachers' Day , now that everything is already in place, or so we thought. The morning of Teachers' Day, I was petrified when I saw no skittles are on the tarmac, supposedly to reserve some space for the school's Scout team to march. OH FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY! And alas, we had to "sound" them juniors to make them move. *SIGHS* Headache. My nerve cells are burnt.

With all that tension in the air right up in the morning (Yeah, even Puan Ng scolded us for not letting her know we had to rearrange the sitting positions of the students, come on-lah, MANA ADA MASA =.=), IT FREAKING RAINED! WHAT?! =.= Now that really got on my nerves. GOSH. And so we had to move the students into the pint-sized hall AND we had to make space for the performance on that day. To cut the short story shorter, everything was OK, thanks to a few of us (PERASAN!). Chung Yow really did show efforts to help out, along with Soon Jin (if I spelt it right). Of course there were other Lower 6ers that are working hard, but I couldn't see their efforts at the moment. Maybe they weren't place under our "division" for the planning committee, that's why we weren't able to pinpoint the ones with potential to become leaders.

Glad Teachers' Day was over. Oh yes, I'm still a wee bit disappointed with a few friends of mine. Thankfully, I don't have to meet a few of them until the school holidays are over. Good riddance, temporarily.

I shall stop ranting. Going out for a movie and pou-ing.

Bhai, for the moment.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Thursday, 26 May 2011


Blogging at 5 in the morning isn't my routine at all. Oh well. Awake at this ungodly hour having to complete Teachers' Day stuff before it happens. What was I saying again? =.=

Exam being over is akin to the 7th Lunar Month of the Chinese calendar. We're set free from the 18 levels of hell, only to get locked in for another year at the end of the 7th Lunar Month. Yeah, temporary freedom for now. Once the holidays in June are over, we're going to get chained to our seats, like how they chained the Titans in Tartarus. Gosh.

Yes, at 5 a.m in the morning, I'm missing you. Sucks to the maximum. But there's some kind of invisible barrier between the both of us, don't you think. Sorry, maybe it was I that made things so complicated.

Needing some me time for now. Wouldn't want to go out so much during the holidays. Ain't no rich, can't but me stuffs to make myself happy. Ain't got no love to make me happy. I've got only facebook to make me a stalker and my bed to offer me a temporary exit from reality. Escapism? Probably.

Life goes on as usual. The usual, boring life. Hope it doesn't stay so boring, for now.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Monday, 16 May 2011

Let's take a moment to reflect upon the relaxing times I used to have. LALALA.

Yeah, my ass akin to a cork stuffing a wine bottle mouth. Well, only different thing is that my ass is stuffed with exams and things that revolve around it. What more I need to say, stress is always the partner of exams. One certainly cannot exist without the other (unless it's an exam on how fast and how much you can shop in an hour, that statement would be an exception).

Needed some timeout, so I came online to babble and crap about random stuffs that happened to moi the past few days, or much rather since the last blog post. When was the last blog post posted again? Sorry for the multiple-personality disorder scenario. Doesn't happen often. Only happens during exam. Most likely I'm on the brink of losing my sanity and marbles altogether. ASYLUM SOUNDS CUTE BY THE WAY!

There's this way awesome G-SHOCK watch that blew my minds into smithereens. The awesome pink is GOD-LIKE! (if only the gods were wearing pink) and the orange tint of the watch is so ORANGE! Come on, how often do you see watches that are fashionable and tough at the same time. It's not like you see these watches like you see bird poo on your car, right? Well, the price is rather steep, for a young kid like me. BAM! Just seeing the watches makes me *AHEM* We can skip the deets.

Sis ventured into Form 6 [now that sounds wrong. Okay, she made herself slave to Form 6.] and the new batch of Lower 6 got into SMK Jinjang, too. That means... UPPER 6 HAS TEMPORARY FREEDOM FROM HAVING TO ORGANISE OH-SO-LALA EVENTS! Oh the temporary euphoria. Can you smell it?

Guess I'll stop blah-ing here. Oh by the way, I still want a DSLR! G-SHOCK. A HUMMER H3!


Footnote: Emoguy Jwen, you sudah start blogging again kah? RARE SIGHT! XD

=CHIcken WINGs=

Friday, 6 May 2011

Of babbling, heartache and exams.

Yes, all hell is about to break lose in approximately two weeks. Who likes exams, honestly. Well, I must say that exams are somewhat fun, but they are so not chic, especially in the long run. Fancy getting eyebags a-la Louis Vuitton? Or maybe sexy panda eyes? Then the very existence of exams is made for you! Hell I'm babbling. Of course, I'm crossing my fingers so hard that they resemble the highwayman's hitch. Really want to ace the exam so badly. It's making me nerdier than before. [Not that being nerd is a sin, it's just that, well, you need some "me" time, right?]

Things haven't been exactly smooth with the one I'm falling in love with. Well, I don't really have the guts to go and confess. I still find confessing towards the one you love a very difficult thing to do. Well, it's quite easy if the other party has feelings for you to, regardless of race, height, gender or socioeconomic tier. I need to be more sane and not let this matter go around my head, taking over my neurones with lightning-fast agility. Certainly, if the heart is made the centre of all "thinking", then humans must be blind. I really need to use my head to think and stop letting my heart make crucial decisions for my future. Oh yes, I do love you, but you see, that was my heart thinking, not my brain. Maybe we weren't meant for each other. You can have my heart if you want to, but my head is telling me to stop chasing after you. Little less heart, a little more brain is what I say.

Good luck peeps [especially for the mid-term examination] who are reading my blog, especially my very close peeps. Love you to death.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Thursday, 28 April 2011

All I want is just a little something more.

All I want is just to be a little happier. Have a few extra things in life, at least it helps make my life a little more blissful. I just want to have a nice decent MP3 player to use while I'm exercising. Or maybe a DSLR camera. I want to change my phone, too. The phone battery is going a little bonkers. I wouldn't want the battery to burst in my ears one day. :( I also want someone to really understand who I am. Accept who I really am. I believe I already have friends who understand me...

I'm looking for more than a friend, frankly speaking. Is that even wrong? Those who know me well by now would know what I'm trying to say here. Life's short. I just want to love those people I care for. So what if it's only a day? So what if I'm going to hear them say "I love you" for only once in my lifetime? The only thing is that I keep holding on to things that may never ever come true. I'm holding on to a non-existent entity.

Truly, on the journey of self-discovery, I have lost myself. I try to fit in to what I'm expected to be. To be what people think I should be. The burden of setting the bar high so that my siblings will work to achieve that certain standard. I'm exhausted. I lost myself in the sea of so many different identities. Who am I now? I don't know. Zombie?

Life's a b*tch, deal with it.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 16 April 2011

I waited.

I cried before I slept on the 14th night. It wasn't because my birthday celebration was a dull one. I had good time with my friends. Mum brought us out for a nice dinner.

Somebody who I really care for said something that made me sad. It hurt me.

That's my birthday celebration this year alright.

Today is already the 16th. Somebody broke my heart, again. I waited. I got no reply.

Was I just another instrument for somebody to use?


=CHIcken WINGs=

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

200th post: It's never easy to say that you love me.

This is my 200th post ever since I started blogging in Form 4. Time really does glide and fly like gulls. Certainly, the age-old saying that time and tide waits for no man is true...

That's pretty depressing actually. I feel like I'm getting old. No offense to those who are much older than me. I feel mentally old, not physically. I start thinking that the world isn't so friendly and loving after all. I thought people would love each other. Perhaps I was too naive back then, when I was just another stupid kid down the road.

Studies and school has been on the ups and downs lately. I have to say that the feeling of betrayal no longer have any effect on me. I've been made numb to the feelings of betrayal. Probably because betrayal does not feel as bad as the feeling of rejection. Nobody wants their love to be rejected. But if it was that easy to fall in love, would there be Romeo and Juliet in the first place. :(

It's the 14th tomorrow. I'm depressed. It's most likely going to be just another day. But deep down in my heart, I still love you very much. My heart is now sore and wounded from rejection. So what? I'm human like anybody else.

'nuff said.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 9 April 2011

What the hell my MUET Writing homework. Lazy update. Next update on Sunday I hope.

Cases of violence against women have been on the rise lately. Violence against women is generally defined as an action of abuse towards women. This form of abuse can be in the form of physical abuse and also emotional abuse. What is the cause for the increase of cases of violence against women? Is it because of women themselves? Or is it because of several other factors that have caused this increase? Certainly, a detailed analysis has to be made from various perspectives in order to seek out the root to this menace.

Firstly, the government should be held responsible. Even though there may be laws and acts enacted to protect the rights of women, they have not been properly enforced. Perpetrators of crimes against women such as rapists can easily get away with their wrongdoings. This happens because the authority does not take these cases seriously. Sometimes, a typical rape case involving a woman will take several months, sometimes years, to solve. By the time there are enough evidence against the criminal, the woman that was raped my have committed suicide or may have went into a depression due to the fact that she may no longer be able to stand in the crowd as an innocent and “clean” person. Furthermore, investigations do not encompass a wide range of cases of violence against women. For example, if a husband were to scold and hurl harsh words at his wife everyday, which is a form of emotional abuse, would the authorities be able to prosecute the husband? Certainly not, as there are no laws allowing the authorities to do so. These loopholes in the laws should be covered up by amending the current laws so that they can be more relevant to the society today.

On the other hand, the mass media is also to be blamed, especially the television and movies. The television programmes aired on the idiot box nowadays promote violence against women by showing scenes of women being tortured physically and mentally. This goes the same for the movies. Some shows such as CSI show gory screenshots of women being tortured in many different ways. Of course, these shows have no intention of emphasising acts of violence against women. However, the emotions of the viewers would be stirred if they happen to watch these shows or movies. By doing so, the subconscious mind would influence their thinking and rationale. In this case, the age-old adage “what you eat is what you are” holds true, although with a different twist to it. So, what you watch on television may also turn out to be what you are. Some serial rapists, molesters and even wife-abusers learn all the “tricks and tips” on how to take advantage of women from these shows and movies. In the end, that is what have become of them. It is therefore very important that shows and movies that are to be made available to the public should be properly screened by the authorities. Scenes involving violence against women should be censored completely and without any compromise.

Sometimes, acts of violence happen to women because they lack the courage and knowledge to stand for their rights. Many cases of abuse against women have been swept under carpet. Rather than to make a stand for their rights, women tend to keep a hush-hush on these matters and they hope that time will one day solve all their problems. Such method of handling violence against women will not help in stopping people from abusing women. For example, some parents of female rape victims would just dismiss rape incidents because they would not want their daughter to become the talk of the society. As Asians, many parents tend to have this mentality, too. This halts any further actions to be taken onto the criminals by the authority. Then, these criminals are free to continue to commit crimes of all sorts against women. There, women should take one leap of faith and take fate in their own hands. Report any cases of abuse against women to the authorities and never compromise your rights.

Weighing the logic of the reasons given, it is therefore not the problem of women that violence against women occurs. Yes, women may have weak points, as they are created naturally to be gentle creatures. The society should learn how to treat women with dignity and respect, rather than to treat them like second-class genders. At this point, much more can be done by the government and also private institutions to help stop this problem of violence against women once and for all. Only then, Vision 2020’s goal to create a healthy and loving society can be fully realized.

Friday, 1 April 2011


Geram nak mampus. FML.

Monday, 28 March 2011

NA! Post dalam BM! Amik ko!

Kebelakangan nih kan, bebudak dalam kelas aq kan semua cam kena sampuk. Tak pasal-pasal merapu pastu cakap benda-benda yang langsung x masuk akal. Takpelah kalo korang cakap benda yg at least logik sikit lakan, yg nih pagi sampei lepas skolah cakap benda yg bukan jer menyampah, tapi main cakap jer tak henti2. wei, org x minat nak dengar sampah u lah! DIAM LAH SIAL.

Pastu kan, adalah dlm kelas i kan org yg pandai jer omong kosong pastu nak habuan byk byk. Pastu kan, nak sgt org bagi dia ni lah, tu lah. tapi bila dia tu ada benda yg syiok kan, sumernya simpan menyendiri jer. kedekut nak mampus. biler ko gi memana, gi sendiri jer. pastu ko tak bagitau kitorang ko go jalan2 dgn kengkawan yg lain. tapi biler kami "lupa" nak ajak ko, ko melenting pulak. weyh, apa hak ko untuk marah? jgn bullcrap lah hello. biler i yg melenting dgn mengamuk, ko terus mampus tau? MAMPUS. biler org nak baik dgn ko, ko jgn la amik peluang untuk eksplotasi org. ko tuh bukannya best, hebat ke handsome pun. kalo cermin ada untuk u pandang kan, cermin tuh terus pecah to tak? sbab ko tuh hodoh sgt. ada pahammmm?????????

This post is dedicated to the very illogical and nonsensical people that I know. NA! I specified ILLOGICAL AND NONSENSICAL. Read properly, can?

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 26 March 2011


As you may have noticed by now, the title of this blog post has been changed to NA! instead of the previous "Oh...". It brings significant meaning. Did I say significant? Perhaps I did.

Well, firstly, let me define what is NA! from my perspective. The word NA! means the action of showing a middle finger with anger or annoyance. Well, I use NA! not because I'm angry, but for the purpose of releasing tension. But to some of the people I know out there, NA! Don't mess with me.

Well, yes it's NA! for these bunch of people. I don't isolate people blindly. I isolate myself from some people because I find these group of people an unpleasant bunch. How unpleasant? They don't practise what they preach. They go bossing people around, telling them what to do. When it comes to them, they do something which is the total opposite of whatever they've mentioned earlier. This is a total outrage! This word is a rather harsh word to use, but NA! to you, YOU BUNCH OF FREAKING HYPOCRITES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *lifts up the magic finger*

Lately, life has been pretty hectic. Yes, it really wears me out, makes me emotionally tired, physically lethargic and sometimes spiritually empty and deprived. But I'm thankful God has kept me alive and strong until today. Yes, I did fall sick, but He gave me the strength to keep fighting. I'm not dead yet and you bunch of morons ain't slowing me down. Of course, I did find out who were the bunch of friends who really cares for me. Some claim they really care for me. Honestly, tell me, how much do you know of me to even claim that you REALLY care for me. Sorry to say, most of you don't understand me at all. Sadly, some of them go around backstabbing others. I'm not the only victim, some of my other friends are, too. Well, I may be aggressive and foul-mouthed at times, but I'm not as disgusting as you bunch of ball-less cowards who go around spreading harsh rumours about others. Go get some balls you! XD

I'm also pretty happy I'm given a chance to make new friends. YES! BRANDON! YOU! XD Brandon is a nice person. :) This paragraph is for you! XD Study hard. I wish you well in whatever course you are going to undertake. I will be always praying for you, hoping that God has His favour and love upon you. Nothing is always bad. Sometimes, blessings take the form of what we may call a "curse". Don't look back, go forward. By the way, I miss you a lot, even thought I've known you for only such a short time. :)

Yes, I'm still single. I still love that person a lot. I can't let go. Oh well. =(

=CHIcken WINGs=

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Wants. Oh well. Failed pictures by the way. Not properly aligned.

I want this camera

I want this bag T~T

I want this watch T~T


=CHIcken WINGs=

Wednesday, 9 March 2011


This week has been lousy for many people. (Hell, why do I always blog when there are bad things going on? FML. IDK.) Everybody wishes that the week will be smooth sailing. Free of pain. Free of annoyance. All those things that people wish for are what they can continue to dream for. Go ride a merry-go-round on the clouds for all I care.

All the opposite is what we got. Don't hope. Make stuff work. Personally, I was upset with many things this week. Probably because I'm having too much stress. I'm not a good stress manager perhaps. Or maybe, just maybe, some people around me should reevaluate themselves before they go around judging others. Heck, if you're so good and immaculate, you'd be a demi-god already, or you may even consider yourself a god already. I say, BLASPHEMY. Get a mirror, people.

Let me get started on the deets. Well, little and petty annoying stuff can amount up to a big and major problem. There's this person in class which I totally oppose right now. Whether HE knows it or not, it doesn't really bother me much. If he wants a fight, I can give him one. I'm born a fighter, live and die as one too. OK. So this fella' has done stuff that makes people dislike him. Maybe it's because he's ignorant. Is it so? I say, maybe he's just too self-centred. I never knew the Universe revolved around a human being up until now. Guess I failed my astronomy, physics, general knowledge and possibly biology.

Can't elaborate too much on my personal space here. I'm afraid some sensitive prick would feel that I'm in the wrong for doing so. You say I'm too aggressive. Let me say to you this: I'm not aggressive. I call this my personal defence mechanism. Live with it. Offended? Go ask Mummy buy you a candy to cheer you up. And oh, endorphines work well with boosting happiness. Or maybe you want an apology from me. Eat my middle finger.

As I said, don't expect an apology from me. I may regret what I've said. But then again, to regret is to waste time. So I wouldn't bother much about regret. So to you and you who think you're a mother-load of super-skilled dudes, think again. The stench of your very ego will one day be the very cause of your downfall. Oh wait, did I say downfall? You never went higher up in the society in the first place. Sorry. I retract my statement.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Is it wrong?

The past year and this year have really taken a toll on my emotions. Never felt so emotionally challenged before. Really.

Last year was a total mess of emotions. First it was all-the-way high and then it fell to below rock-bottom. It's really mad.

Happiness, is what I thought I would get if I did well in my SPM. Yes, I was happy. But the feelings were temporary. They did not stay and linger long enough until I was no longer around. Something had to fill this void in the nook of my heart. An empty space that only God can fill. Yes, I thought God left me. In actual fact, I failed Him. Somehow, somewhere, I stumbled and I guess I did not get back on my feet. Yes, I'm still lost, blind to His presence. But I know He's still holding my hands, only that I'm so stupid and ignorant not to know it. I'm stupid, don't you think?

Then it was Form 6. Form 6 it was for me. Bunch of nice friends. Awesome friends. They made me redefine the term 'friend' altogether. They gave me a sense of belonging that I did not really have when I was with the friends I used to have in SMKSB. No, I'm not lashing out at my friends from SMKSB, it is just that this bunch of friends are so much more loving and caring. I really did not regret doing Form 6 at all I must say. I met friends. Fallen in love with people in SMK Jinjang, too. It is an experience I would miss out if I were to receive JPA Scholarship.

Speaking about love... I'm a total mess in it right now. MESS. Wen told me that someone likes me. Fish told me that someone else likes me. I'm liking somebody else. It kind of sucks when the person you like will never fall for you. Sucks big time. But I guess life is like this. You will never get what you want all the time.

If I cannot get love, I want to have a DSLR. DSLR CAMERA. As if I would get it. Would want to have a new handphone. I want to score a 4-flat for my STPM. I want to own a Hummer H3. I'm freaking greedy. Do I care? No. Yeah.

Today, two small stuffs made me grin. :) Would still grin if I think about it. :) Firstly, when Wen told me that someone likes me ( I hope I'm not being perasan, but it's so cute!) I couldn't help but to smile. Really. The second thing happened when I was taking a train ride back from Kuala Lumpur KTM station. Well, was taking a ride on the train with Fish. There's this guy with a McDonald plastic bag standing at Fish's back (not literally) and he kept smiling at Fish and I. Not those perverted smile you get from perverts, but it's more of "the-smile-that-a-shy-kid-gives-to-you" smile. He kept stealing glances and kept smiling. Shy fella'. How often is it that you see a shy teenager smiling like a small kid? Ain't that cute. Makes you just want to smile. And at least that was a heart-melting smile. I sound like I'm all so homo. Do I care? No. ;)

I'm happy now I can smile, even if it's just for today. It is just... Magical? :)


=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 12 February 2011

If only it was that simple.

Yes, if only it was that simple. My friend urged for me to confess my feelings to the one that I'm in, well, in love with. That, later.

Been busy for the past 2 weeks or so. Finished my monthly exams in school, got rather lousy results. It wasn't as good as expected. Damn. Gotta' buck up or not I'm going to fail miserably in the real deal. *sighs*

Chinese New Year came right after that. This year's Chinese New Year was pretty fun, knowing the fact that most of my cousins made it back to Kuantan for an awesome get-together time. Truly wished I could just go on spending my time so slowly and in a relaxed manner. Dream on, as people would say. FML.

Did pretty many silly stuffs in Kuantan, check my facebook profile for the pictures. Watched sunrise, laughed over a cup of Milo until I'm all nuts (please take note that I wasn't even sane at all in the first place) and pretty much other weird stuffs. I slept so long until I had a migraine for the whole day. =.= It wasn't the beer, really. =.=~

Came back to school after CNY. Practice for 1Malaysia event went on as usual. Great stuff. Of course it wasn't the best, but it was quite good because we didn't really had all the time in the world to go about it. Every single member of the class were also clad in awesome traditional costumes, which is a pretty rare sight. Puan Chen even allowed our class to wear traditional costumes during any other racial integration events celebrated in our school.

Really wished that the person that's dear to my heart, the one I'm very in love with, to just give me some reaction. But I guess I'm just hoping for too much and that love isn't something you can force. I hate me. I guess.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 29 January 2011


Today. Yes, today. It has made this year a little more meaningful. Did not had a great time at all ever since the month of December the past year. A few incidents happened to day that made it all the more lovely. One particular incident really put the smile back to where it was supposed to be. I'm dumbstruck, but I think it's... Well... I don't know.

Just finished my exams. And schooling is tough. Very tough. I officially have eyebags and I intend to go for plastic surgery. Not really. FMEyebags. :)

I still wonder if anybody still reads blogs belonging to their friends or peers. If there are, am glad that my blog isn't left unknown, doomed to rot in the digital cemetery for eternity. That's of utmost terror! Well, I'm sure there's a minority out there who's still into blog-reading and of course enjoy the age-old hobby of reading biographies, blog posts and journal entries. That's just a much nicer way to mask the intention of saying that you're a nosy person. Oh well. Everybody has noses. You're forced to have one, like it or not. :)

Oh, one very silly yet fun thing that I've that in the past week was taking part in a calligraphy competition organised by SMK Jinjang's Chinese Society. Well, I have not got an inkling of how to write Chinese characters with Chinese brush. Heck, I can't even hold a Chinese brush in the correct way. But it was all the more fun when my buddies took part in the competition too. It was just for fun's sake. What's more mind-blowing is that even Jega took part in the competition. Mind you, Jega is an Indian student and he is someone who doesn't have to know Chinese to survive. Yet, he took part in the competition along with the madcaps from my class. Cheers to Jega and all the 6SA (2011 batch) students. XOXO

Am I overblabbering? See if I care. :)


=CHIcken WINGs=

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Maybe it's just me.

"We" was never a word that I can use with you. It will always be "you" and "me" only.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm asking for too much.

Is it my choice to be like this? I don't know. It just happened.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Monday, 17 January 2011


I won't deny the fact that I really love you. But it's all impossible. I'm stupid. But I'm happy I'm stupid for a good reason.