Is it wrong?

The past year and this year have really taken a toll on my emotions. Never felt so emotionally challenged before. Really.

Last year was a total mess of emotions. First it was all-the-way high and then it fell to below rock-bottom. It's really mad.

Happiness, is what I thought I would get if I did well in my SPM. Yes, I was happy. But the feelings were temporary. They did not stay and linger long enough until I was no longer around. Something had to fill this void in the nook of my heart. An empty space that only God can fill. Yes, I thought God left me. In actual fact, I failed Him. Somehow, somewhere, I stumbled and I guess I did not get back on my feet. Yes, I'm still lost, blind to His presence. But I know He's still holding my hands, only that I'm so stupid and ignorant not to know it. I'm stupid, don't you think?

Then it was Form 6. Form 6 it was for me. Bunch of nice friends. Awesome friends. They made me redefine the term 'friend' altogether. They gave me a sense of belonging that I did not really have when I was with the friends I used to have in SMKSB. No, I'm not lashing out at my friends from SMKSB, it is just that this bunch of friends are so much more loving and caring. I really did not regret doing Form 6 at all I must say. I met friends. Fallen in love with people in SMK Jinjang, too. It is an experience I would miss out if I were to receive JPA Scholarship.

Speaking about love... I'm a total mess in it right now. MESS. Wen told me that someone likes me. Fish told me that someone else likes me. I'm liking somebody else. It kind of sucks when the person you like will never fall for you. Sucks big time. But I guess life is like this. You will never get what you want all the time.

If I cannot get love, I want to have a DSLR. DSLR CAMERA. As if I would get it. Would want to have a new handphone. I want to score a 4-flat for my STPM. I want to own a Hummer H3. I'm freaking greedy. Do I care? No. Yeah.

Today, two small stuffs made me grin. :) Would still grin if I think about it. :) Firstly, when Wen told me that someone likes me ( I hope I'm not being perasan, but it's so cute!) I couldn't help but to smile. Really. The second thing happened when I was taking a train ride back from Kuala Lumpur KTM station. Well, was taking a ride on the train with Fish. There's this guy with a McDonald plastic bag standing at Fish's back (not literally) and he kept smiling at Fish and I. Not those perverted smile you get from perverts, but it's more of "the-smile-that-a-shy-kid-gives-to-you" smile. He kept stealing glances and kept smiling. Shy fella'. How often is it that you see a shy teenager smiling like a small kid? Ain't that cute. Makes you just want to smile. And at least that was a heart-melting smile. I sound like I'm all so homo. Do I care? No. ;)

I'm happy now I can smile, even if it's just for today. It is just... Magical? :)

XOXO

=CHIcken WINGs=