Saturday, 6 August 2011

Some crumbs from my large cookie.

The title above is just a mere symbolic representation of the sentence "a little update from my life for the past few weeks". It gets a little oh-so-cliche if I use the same title for every blog post, again-and-again-and-again, ain't it?

I have pretty bad long-term memory, in terms of recalling exact and specific events. My brain is purely made for study, therefore it does not really serve any other purpose. That's the way I view my brain of course. Let's not veer of course, shall we?

Things hasn't really been over-the-top for the past fortnight or so. Thank goodness I did not hit rock-bottom, too. Exam was on two weeks ago, so there wasn't really much going-ons happening in school. Except, well, at tuition or during recess when I have time to become a chatterbox, that's when I'd realise the things going on around me. Frankly speaking, I'm still upset over a few things today. I mean like, NOW.

Firstly, I'm upset about a few friends being so on-the-fence towards me. One moment they can be really close to you, trying everything to be a nice person. The next picosecond, they seem to have thrown the thought of you into oblivion, never to think nor care for you anymore. I'm a really oh-so-what-I-don't-care-much person, but I do care for these bunch of friends. Maybe it's time for me to really cut ties (Sad people say and do anything, oh well... :( ) or just really forget about them. Why keep a relationship if you struggle too hard and it's bringing the relationship to nowhere? It really applies to any relationship, not merely to courtship alone.

The next reason is I'm not really sure whether if some of my friends are really my friends. As the "catchphrase" of the movie "The Social Network" goes, you can't make many friends without making enemies at all. I guess making new friends can be really fun, but what if your current "close" friends gets jealous and starts to ruin your reputation in front of your "new" friends? I'm just assuming this IS really happening at the moment. I dare not ask whether if it's true, I don't want to cause any dent in my current relationship with any of my friends. Again, I should just keep this matter in my heart and hope that it subsides one day. Or hopefully the answers come rolling by without me pursuing the answer in vain...

Thirdly, study stress is catching up on me. I feel like I'm ready for STPM, at the same time I feel like I'm not. I just feel like I'm in a mess. A foreigner in a sea of people. A note in a cacophony of noises. I feel a little lost. God has given me a compass, and clearly I'm not really good in using it, yet.

Thankfully, my cousin, *ahem*, Maryann has some good advice and she's given me bits and pieces of them (unless she comes screaming at this blog post saying "WHAT BITS AND PIECES?!"). Advice does not work wonders, but at least they calm a man's heart. Come on, every human loves a little encouragement. And there's YAP SHUANG YI that's patient enough to listen to my rants and complaints every single day during Biology period. I feel a little guilty being a spotlight, though. SORRY, KAH WAI! :) Kah Wai is an awesome person too. Jasmine Yeo is also a really great listener too.~ And best of all, she's also another patient non-human. No normal human can tolerate my noise, so she can be considered an organism that is in no way related to humans.

Sighs. Thankfully these bunch of people are here to cheer me up even when I'm down. :) But still, a lil' wee bit sad at the moment. Oh well. *shrugs* I kinda' realised that there is this one boy in Lower Form 6 that has been pretty lonely the moment he entered Form 6. Wish he could at least pull off a smile. I don't see no anybody as lonely as him in the whole of Lower 6.

Spell-check not done. Forgive any typos. To the people I've mentioned, thanks. :) Don't stop whatever you're doing pull a grin off my face.~ God bless you. To my buddies that I've not mentioned. Well, you guys are still awesome.

Gonna' go off to my real lonely little corner to pray and to hope that the friends that have been so cold to me will be my close buddies once again.

P.S: The world is full of bullshit. Nothing is really fair.

=CHIcken WINGs=