Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Outcast? True.

Well, I thought I was thinking too much a few days back. I thought I was just having a little depression. With my mid-term exam results, friends and a little misunderstanding with my family member, I really thought it will go away soon.

I'm feeling not any better right now. I know there are friends that are all around me. But at times when I am with them, I feel like I'm just another replacement. Replacing somebody or something, or just filling up space to keep the atmosphere in a "just nice" condition. I don't hunger for attention. I just need friends who will listen to my rants and "heart problems", not just enjoy and have fun together.

Everybody doesn't want someone who keeps complaining or is sad all the time. I'm quite annoyed with myself at times. :( If being happy is as easy as blinking an eye, then why are there so many broken souls in the world? Don't tell me to be happy. There's no logic in being happy if the problem is not solved yet.

This is what I'm thinking at the moment. God made everything perfect, flawless. He only made one mistake. He forgot to ask me whether I'd be happy living as a human. I know He hasn't forgotten me, but right now I think He's just too busy blessing other people. I guess I'll just wait for my turn.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 25 June 2011


Well, lately, I feel like an outcast. I feel like I'm with my bunch of my friends but at the same time I don't feel like I'm with them. Odd. Sighs.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Serenity and a sound mind.

Stuck in between. I don't really know how to put this down in words. It's just that I'm held tight in my current position. Not belonging anywhere but belonging to somewhere at the same time. It's like I'm being cared for, but being hated and despised at the same time. This situation is slowly making me mad...

Sometimes, I just so want someone to be really, very close to me. But I think some things cannot come true all the time. What is life then, when you can get anything your heart desires. Certainly, everybody loves to be pampered, to get anything and everything that they really want. But truthfully, how many of us can enjoy such luxuries? I do want to enjoy such treatment. Having someone to, well, you know. :(

Just my thoughts to revive my currently dormant blog. :(

=CHIcken WINGs=

Saturday, 11 June 2011


Can you say you love me?

Monday, 6 June 2011

Stepping out.

The time spent in Kuantan gave me a little free space to think over myself and the relationships that I have with my friends.

Well, I'm not afraid to say that I am indeed childish. In fact, that's the very nature of me. I don't expect anybody to understand that. However, if I were to befriend anybody, then I'm sure they would have to give-and-take and accept whatever weaknesses that I may have... Right not?

I believe I am already a very tolerant person. Sure, I may lash out and get angry over certain things. It's just that I don't like to complain over petty things. I don't like getting called a nag. But in another manner, I don't like to keep these small petty things at heart for too long. But when I make known to people about these matters, they say I'm a nag, a hot-tempered person and the likes of it. I think it's pretty unfair that I'm branded these titles. You may be good at giving others brand names or you may play a very good quality control officer, but put yourself into my shoes and make the relevant judgments then.

Lately, I've been somewhat isolated by a few particular people who seem to be pinpointing my every single mistake and throwing accusations at yours truly, just to make me feel bad about myself. I reflected upon my actions and maybe I just chose the wrong bunch of friends. Maybe I just put too much hope into them, thinking that they may be just the right bunch of friends that I've been looking for. Like any other human beings, friends are also prone to misunderstanding you, sometimes ending up hating you altogether. I'd like to say here, I don't expect anything from any of my friends. If trust is so hard to share amongst friends, then I see no reason why we should struggle to keep the friendship intact. I may be the one (or may not) with the inflated ego, not willing to say "Sorry" or "I apologize" because if I'm wrong all the time, then the problem isn't with me, it's with you.

I've been isolated, hated and stabbed in the back numerous times. If you want to do it, go ahead. I'm still alive. So, those stuffs are a no-biggie for me. Just a post to justify my stand. You want to love me or loathe me, it's up to you. It's every man for himself. If you want to step out of friendship, go ahead. No use saving an almost dead entity. I'm stepping out soon, just let me know.

=CHIcken WINGs=

=CHIcken WINGs=

Of red bean soup and fried "meehoon".

Grandma passed away just two days ago, in China. It's pretty much a waste that I did not get a chance to bid her farewell before she left for a one-way-trip to heaven. I'm sure God is already waiting at the gates of heaven with lots of good stuffs for Grandma. She's someone I'm ought to miss my whole life.

Grandma is an adopted child (Dad's info) and she was brought to a small fishing village nearby Xiamen (also Dad's info). Dad says that Grandma has excellent oyster-deshelling skills. Grandma came to Malaysia with Granddad after giving birth to my eldest aunty, who is currently residing in China, too. My "second eldest aunty" and her siblings were born here in Malaysia. Grandma was a great Mum. Well, she wasn't the best chef around (trust me, I know best. :] ) but her cooking was still edible. Well, at least Dad could grow up on Grandma's food, right? To those who know my red bean soup and meehoon story, this is it. :) I literally grew up with Grandma. I went to her house after kindergarten for nearly two years. Before that, I used to go to her house by the Klang River every morning while Mum and Dad are away for work.

I still remember clearly the days where the rain would pour so heavily and Grandma would be so accurate in determining the weather, whether it would be a mild rainfall, or a big old thunderstorm. The sight of rattan chairs hanging off the walls is something that I would really miss. And of course the mud-yellow water and Wellington boots to note. The after-the-flood-cleaning process. Oh, priceless. Grandma could earn a diploma in Meteorology without even having to sit for a practical or theory test.

Well, time and tide wait for no man. Indeed, as time passes, we age as well. Grandma had to leave as well. Fountain of Youth, like many other age-old too-good-to-be-true-gimmicks, are just plain myths. At 81-years old, my Grandma is still the best Grandma in the world. Miss you much.

=CHIcken WINGs=

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

*Shrugs shoulder* Oh well~

Alaaa ada orang terasa weyh! Peh. Pigiraaaah. Kalo ko tuh bukannya nak amik berat tp se-mata2 nak jadi watak utama, x yah lah nak pepura~ lagipun ko tuh bukannya hebat sgt pun. x harap pun simpati u~ simpan jer la utk org lain.

Korang sumer tuh cam baik jer, zahirnya jer. tapi hakikatnya korang tuh pun kira hiporkrit jugak. org kita ibarat lalang dipuput bayu, ikut jer trend dgn "the in group". adalah skit jugak talam dua muka. i rasa talam infinity muka baru btul. peh.

kalo ko tak ikhlas nak berkwn, biarkan jer lah. neways, kat hidup nih, kengkawan masuk kuar cam air. i dah ukir kat otak i dah the fact that org kat dunia ni mmg x leh nak caye. cuma blh yakin kat diri sendiri jer. nak mengumpat? suka hati lo laaaaa~ i dah immune~

terasa? ish, sorry, i cant do a damn about it. ;) Suit yourself.

=CHIcken WINGs=