Not good enough.

Okay, so today's post will feature a more vulnerable part of me, as opposed to the usual ultra-diva-bow-before-the-queen attitude of mine. This part of me rarely manifests itself, even if the whole world turns against me.

Who would know that I can be so vulnerable to something seemingly insignificant. So simple. Alas, it's because of this reason that I am on an emotional roller-coaster. Nah, not having a great big PMS. I could just take hormone injections if I had PMS. If I HAD. Well, I guess even the toughest of guys and girls get all emotional when it comes to (yes, wait for it, give me a drum roll...!) someone they actually have a crush on. Oh yes, I do have a crush. No, wait, more than one. But most of my crushes, whether current or in the past (future?) are impossible to fall in love with, probably because they're taken. Aishwarya Rai is hot. So is Angie Jolie. Erm, Kellan Lutz is gorgeous. So is Ian Somerhalder. Imaginary crushes aside, I do have a certain crush on probably 5-6 persons now. Sounds terrible. Sounds like I'm some cheapo looking for stuffs to buy at a warehouse that sells imitation goods. Urgh. Well, deep down, I just want to fall in love. Find someone who can accept me as who I am. Simple as that. Every time I chat these certain people up, any hints showing their acceptance of me, I would immediately misinterpret that as showing mutual liking for each other. I guess that's not the case. When they grow cold, get bored of me or finally found someone they are totally into, I feel that I'm not good enough. Not perfect enough. Not handsome enough. Not buff enough. Just all the not-enoughs. When people hate me, I don't feel so. But when they do this to me, I feel the pinch. Is it just me? It does feel stupid of me to have emotions like this. I'm already in my 20s and this still happens. Looks like I will never escape adolescence, ever.

I guess you people who I consider my crushes will never read this, but if you do, I do like you, I want to know you more and probably, if we hit all the right buttons, let's start a relationship. Just you and me.

Feeling a little empty inside.